On Monday afternoon hubby and I met with the second agency (or maybe technically the third, third I contacted but second we’ve met face to face) These will be known as S
We spent another 3 hours spilling our lives to another social worker – one who looked like she was barely out of school, I felt old!
I hope it went well but I don’t know, I find I have little confidence after the first one that anything is going to go our way. We should hear next week.
Again the importance of spending time with small people was stressed, this time hubby seemed more open to it. We have already contacted a couple of places about it, hubby though is nervous and doesn’t want to go anywhere on his own. I am happy to go with him but worry the thought of 2 of us will be off putting to anyone we ask to help – given they will already be fully staffed. I don’t want to be in the way and feel bad that it may be seen as using them. I’m beginning to realise though that this is a huge part of the process so I’m sure many places are used to it.
I’ve spent the last couple of days unable to update my blog, I swing between tears and emptiness as the process is even harder than I had anticipated – and we aren’t even properly on the ladder yet.
At one point I wondered if the IVF route might be easier to tackle. I am not convinced though.
At the same time I find myself planning our child’s bedroom and play room. I am fighting every urge to buy everything I see and think our child would like, given we don’t know the age or sex of our child I’ve been seeing a lot!
I know this is a long process and wont be easy and I’m not doing it alone but this week I’ve felt really alone, I feel like a failure as a woman as my husband had to answer questions to a stranger over things he hadn’t given much thought too as he had expected to grow into the role of father in the normal way where we would have the ability to work things out as we went along without all the extra hoops to jump through. I understand the extra checks and questions – these children need safe and stable homes, I’m eager to proved that, I just want the chance to get a foot on the ladder and show we can provide a loving home.
In the meantime I continue to read my growing stash of recommended adiption books – books I proudly showed off to the latest social worker.